(an extended version of the most recent FB post)
I'm reasonably certain that I, on a regular basis, do things that, while they may not make God disappointed in me, or that are not actually sins, do definitely make Him pinch his brow and sigh in frustration as I go about my day, giggling maniacally.
Someday, I'm going to die. And when I get to Heaven, St. Peter is going to look in the big book, and I'm going to be on the invite list to that big party in the sky. But when he sees my name, there's gonna be this big orange mark next to it. And he's going to press the intercom button on his little pedestal, the one that rings to God for "special circumstances."
"Sorry to bother you, but Clingman is here."
"Lyle? I know, he's been here like 20 years."
"No no sir, the other one."
"Alright, send him in. I suppose he had to show up eventually."
And then I'm going to be taken to a large room. And God is going to sit me down. And while I'm going to be let in to Heaven, I am going to get quite the talking to. And then I'm going to be told to sit in the corner and think about what I've done.
That's right. I'm going to be put in time out in Heaven. And the whole time I'm sitting there, I'm going to be remembering all those things, and giggling again. And God's going to sigh audibly, shake his head, mumble something along the lines of "dammit, dammit, ME dammit!" and go on about his business. Because I'm not sinning, I'm not being evil... I'm just being me. And there is inherent mischief involved in being me. And why not? I am made in God's image - mischief is part of the game, no?
...I just bought another 15 minutes in time out with that.
So worth it.
- ....and Taxes.